The Language We Use.

I was working with someone this week around the grief they experience after the loss of their Parent. They expressed a feeling of “stuckness” as their pain felt as potent now, as it did three years ago at their passing. I noticed how they repeatedly used the term, “I know I need to let go.” “I know I need to let her go.” As they used this phrasing, it brought the pain right to the surface in their tears.

In my work as a resilience coach, I utilize the skills of re-frame and powerful questioning. Our goal is always movement. We work to move through difficult life events with our heart intact. Somehow in the way the phrase, “Let go” landed for this person, it felt like a death of another kind. A cutting off from the heart, the precious memory of relationship. The opposite of what we are trying to accomplish in true healing and resilience.

I asked them, “How does it feel to say the word “accept” instead of “let go?” The quiet reply came as, “a little better.” And a softening appeared in their expression. The tiniest sense of release. You see, when we learn the skill of accepting what is, we see a way forward in a way that doesn’t further brutalize our heart. This can be a daily work especially when it comes to grief and loss.

I then asked my client, “what does it feel like on the other side of the decision to accept that your mom has passed on to another place?” They told me it felt like it something they could do, and that they felt some relief. It left space for a new understanding and relationship to otherwise unbearable, continued suffering.

Knowing the importance of language starts with the understand that, the language we use influences how we think and feel about everything.

With Love,

Bobbi